30 things I have learnt about being a chef .. so far

holy trinity1. After working 6 days straight I shouldn’t bother holding a conversation with someone until at least after my 3rd or 4th coffee – otherwise it’s complete jibberish and ends up coming out something like this : “nhaso isdnd wjhdsiaos .. what ?”
2. When a senior position chef or head chef asks you a question, ‘F*cks me’ is not an appropriate answer for ‘I don’t know’.
3. If you think you shouldn’t be doing something, then the case is you probably shouldn’t.
4. If you aren’t busy… at least look like you are.
5. Coffee, sugar or energy drinks are an essential form of energy in a kitchen.
6. Trying to diet while being a chef is really hard. Especially when duck fat potato scallops are calling your name from across the kitchen and you are then rendered powerless to their allure.
7. The more you burn your finger tips the sooner you will kill all the nerves and have “chef-hands”. After all, fingers are made for burning.
8. If you see a qualified chef make an error, don’t point it out. Qualified chefs don’t like to be told their wrong especially by know-it-all-fresh-out-of-college apprentices.
9. Burning things is frowned upon and should be avoided at all costs.
10. Caramelising is a very broad term.
11. Be prepared to be verbally or sexually harassed at any time.
12. Better off you being upfront about mistakes rather than the chef finding out during service.
13. Never sharpen another chefs knife. Don’t use another chefs knife either. Words of Anthony Bordain “Don’t touch my dick. Don’t touch my knife”
14. Always work like you are the only person in the kitchen.
15. Sous-Chef does NOT rhyme with poo chef.
16. Contrary to popular belief, apprentice does not rhyme with slave or bitch.
17. Everyone is expendable.
18. Time to lean? Time to clean.
19. Good chefs are constantly on a relentless quest for continuous improvement.
20. Pride has no place in a kitchen.
21. You will acquire a dependency problem on either caffeine, guarana, cigarettes, or alcohol… or a merry mix of all the above.
22. Learn to grow from criticism.
23. No chef I know does this job for money.
24. You will never stop learning.
25. Be prepared to sacrifice.
26. A constant sense of urgency is always appreciated and acknowledged.
27. Don’t brag about something until it’s finished because oh-so-much can go wrong in between. Plus no one likes a show off.
28. Chefs are picky eaters.
29. There should be no compensation between quality and service.
30. Complaining how tired you are will do no good because you can bet your whole shitty weeks wage that the sous and head chef have worked nearly double your hours.

#diaryofawannabechef

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One Comment Add yours

  1. lol…that is all so true Miss Lolly :)) I think it is just awesome that you are pursuing your passion, living to tell the tale & writing so realistically (& honestly) about it. You go you good thing!!! And may you be richly rewarded for all this hard, hard work :)) cheers Roni xx

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